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Originally posted by Astra:
In terms of jobs, you have to understand one thing: except for a select few, most people do not like to work. We work so we can survive and hopefully have some money saved for retirement when we are too old to work. Life often requires us to do thing we don't want to do. The key is to find a job you can tolerate. Accept the fact that work is rarely fun and you will be able to hold down a job more easily. I know it's hard, but it is critical to find a job that allows you to make enough money to support whatever lifestyle you desire. Good luck!
^That's essentially it.
Throughout reading your post, something that stuck out to me is that you need to learn to force yourself to be more committed, more responsible, more resolute and accountable. You are aware of your issues, and you have these placements so that you can learn to overcome them.
Another I knew with Sagi and Aqua, felt the same about the world. He was told he needed to get his act together - but he claimed, quite childishly "you don't understand me! you don't understand how I feel!" (this was a 29 year old man, not a teen, even). He just wanted to have fun, then do drugs and escape.
I did warn him, that if he did not change, something horrible would happen to him. We need to balance our joy with suffering, and to wish to never suffer is quite a delusional wish. "If we don't face life, life will face us", yadda yadda. And, well, something bad eventually did happen. His dad died, he lost all his money, and many of his friends abandoned him.
A lot of people despise life, despise the system, and are lucky if they at least find a semi tolerable job.
The way you feel is understandable.
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Everything in our wold feels either forced or fake and nobody NOT everybody has true goals or dreams in life.
What are your true goals and dreams? Are you working toward them? If so, what makes them so special?
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This is another reason why I can't hold a job because I always stick out, people always notice me, want to talk to me, and I just want my ******* space.
This is a boundary issue, one you must learn to rectify. At least you notice the issues, which is a start. It's about learning to make sure that it is clear, in as mature a way as possible, that you do not wish to be approached. We cannot expect people to change for us, but we can learn to adapt. What are you doing that is making people do this, and what could you alter? You don't have to answer me, but is a question for you personally.
If you really want to be your true, authentic self 100%, then you have to be ready to take responsibility for the consequences. However, some things must be subdued or used at different times. This is self mastery.
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When I truly try to open up to someone new they think I'm manipulating them or flirting.
Are you sure that you aren't? I'm not saying that you are, but it is another question to ask yourself.
We sometimes mislabel our own intentions, or actions, or behavior. I've got one example for you. One guy I knew, he would go on and on about how he thought he was autistic. He thought his "autism" was the reason he had difficulty understanding people. I knew he was not autistic. One day he literally went in for a legit test, and came out and he was not autistic.
His issue was actually that he lacked compassion and experience, but was able to learn about people and understand their feelings more, gradually, with his own experiences. We can even misunderstand ourselves, and be so convinced we're right. I'm not saying this absolutely has to apply to you, but it's something to mull over. We can't see what we can't see, after all.
The point of that is, that we can think we are something that we are not, and think that we are not something that we are. We can misjudge our own character.
Another example, is another man I know. He never, ever, ever imagined, or even knew just how manipulative he was. His angle was always about him being the victim of the manipulations and issues of others. He was heavy Pluto, and a Pluto dom chart. He would go through life feeling like the cursed victim of everyone, and complain later when a relationship or friendship ended, that they were just trying to manipulate him. He really did not know his own depth of manipulation. It was hidden from him. And when people would tell him he was being manipulative, he would come up with a barrage of excuses, narratives, and if you tried to poke his deluded bubble of not being manipulative, he would actually become a nasty, horrible person. Meanwhile, convinced of his innocence.
That other example above is simply to illustrate yet again that there can be things about us that we really are ignorant of, and maybe there's something to be said about repeated feedback and experiences. Life will only give us gentler reminders so many times before it begins to push back even harder.
If you want, what you could do, is write a message to the universe, a sincere message. Get a pen and some paper and write. Ask questions. Ask "what do I need in order to live a better, more authentic, fulfilling life." or Play around with that however you want, write whatever questions you want answered, an be prepared to pay attention to possible answers via experiences, or clues that show up. or "teach me what I need to know in order to live a financially secure life."
I hope you find what you need.